27 noviembre 2017

Conversation with my toilet

Autumn is the best time to gather mushrooms and in the mountains close to home there are many of them. So that Saturday I left very early, with the healthy intention of filling my wicker basket with some of them. 
I spent the morning  walking the forest in search of the bests. Before noon I had enough to make a good plate of garlic mushrooms accompanied by an excellent Iberian ham. 
I returned home and got down to work. I selected the highest quality ones, I washed them thoroughly and then I went to the culinary task.
I took good account of the dish I had prepared. After half an hour, I started to feel strange, with an uncommon feeling in my stomach. I thought, at first, that it could be a food poisoning; They are very frequent when you eat mushrooms. I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. After a few moments, I heard a deep voice that echoed throughout the house and said: 
Could you remove your hairy ass from my white head? 
I was paralyzed. Who was talking to me? The toilet?
I tried to get up, but I could not: a force, which I did not control, kept me close to the toilet. Then the hole of the toilet began to open, as if he wanted to swallow me. 
Soon, I fell inside and started down the drain, as if I was going down one of those slides that are in the water parks, until I came to a small room where, curiously, there was not a drop of water. In front of me was my toilet, sitting on a black sofa. 
I did not understand anything at all, I did not know what was happening to me and, at a certain moment, the toilet spoke to me again: 
 —I wanted to talk with you; We are face to face. 
—And what did you want to talk to me about? I do not usually talk to toilets, "I said.
—I do not talk to humans either. But now we are face to face and I would like to tell you one thing. I'm fed up that every time you sit to defecate leave me blacker than the asphalt. 
—It's normal, do not you think? One sits for what he sits. You will not expect it to shit flowers. Each one has to go through with what touches him in life, you have had to be a toilet and me human. In another life,  you request to be something else, I do not know, handwash, car, giraffe.  
—Don't be insolent. As if one could control destiny. Fate is given to you; nothing or nobody controls it. You will be stupid ...
—Then you do not believe in reincarnation? —asked him.
—No, I do not think so. Inert beings do not usually have that kind of philosophical concerns, we leave that for humans, who tend a lot to that kind of ravings. 
—Well, you have it clear: when I replace you with another one of last design, you will remain an old toilet for all eternity, ha ha ha ha ha ha ... At least, you should believe in another life, as we do some humans, that we deceive ourselves to live a little better the life that has touched us. You know, that of believing in the hereafter, in reincarnation, in Nirvana ... I do not know if you understand me. — I tried to explain him.
—I'm very pragmatic, maybe it's because of my condition as cold china. I do not know. Maybe that's why I do not worry about tomorrow, I'm more of the"Carpe Diem", and my "live the moment" is limited to the time when you sit on top of me. That is the moment that worries me, which is directly proportional to my happiness. 
—Directly proportional to your happiness? —I asked in amazement. 
—I explain you. I am happy when I am clean and gleaming. When you enter the bathroom my happiness suffers, because there is a possibility that you sit to defecate. So I'm unhappy for the reasons I explained to you at the beginning. 
—That do you want me to do? —I asked irritably.
—That you help me to be happier. I only ask that when you finish doing your needs, take the brush and clean me, just that. It's that you never do it. 
—I know I do not, but, always, I'm going in a hurry. I can not lose it in nonsense. 
—It is not nonsense, for me it is a very serious thing. 
I was going to answer him, but I felt an immense desire to sleep. I went to a rug that was next to the sofa on which my toilet was sitting, I lay down and fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up lying on the bathroom rug, not remembering very well what had happened. I got up, opened the fridge, took out the remaining mushrooms and sorted them. I identified almost all, but there was one that had escaped me and that I did not know. I looked for it in my extraordinary encyclopedia of mycology. It was a variety of Psilocybe Semilanceata accredited for its psychotropic effects. There was the reason for my conversation with my toilet. 
 Before leaving for work,  I felt the need to go to the bathroom, I sat in the toilet, I defecated, to flush the toilet and ran away because was late for work. 
When I reached the door, I turned around, went to the bathroom, picked up the brush and cleaned the blackish braking that I left.
From that day I understood that inert bodies also have the right to happiness.

Source of the image: Pixbay